Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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