I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize