I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and she was petting her beer can
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
