i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
