Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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