am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
