All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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