I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
