I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize