My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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