I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
