and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
