And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize