1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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