just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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