I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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