I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
