glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
