The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
