I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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