I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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