Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize