No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
