Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize