I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So much Jack, so little girl.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
