Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
