he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
