I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize