I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Apparently you make a good broom.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
