Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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