Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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