i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
