apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
