I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Your penis caused this!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
