but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
