she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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