You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
