And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
