she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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