She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
