The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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