There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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