Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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