he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
