i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
