What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
