Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
