even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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