Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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