and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize