I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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