why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
