I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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