Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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