I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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