oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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