He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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