I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
