sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize