Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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