It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
