Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
