Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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