oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
