I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
