Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
