3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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